Patience (sabr): what it really is and how to cultivate it

Sabr: neither resignation nor passivity

In Arabic, الصَّبْر (sabr) comes from a root meaning “to hold back”, “to restrain”. To be patient is to hold your heart back from despair, your tongue from rebellion against Allah, and your hands from gestures you would regret. It is not pretending to feel nothing, nor accepting without reaction a situation you could improve.

The Quran returns to patience in nearly ninety passages, according to a count reported from Imam Ahmad. It presents patience as a help, not a burden:

Patience and prayer go together: we do not endure alone, we lean on Allah, who is with those who are patient.

The three faces of patience

Scholars, such as Ibn al-Qayyim in his book ‘Uddat as-Sabirin, distinguish three forms of patience. Knowing them helps us see that sabr is not only about great misfortunes: it is present in every day.

• Patience in obedience: getting up for the dawn prayer in winter, fasting on a long summer day, continuing a good deed even when no one notices.
• Patience in the face of what is forbidden: holding back a hurtful word, lowering the gaze, refusing an easy but dishonest gain.
• Patience in trial: illness, bereavement, the loss of a job, waiting for a child or for healing, loneliness.

The first form requires above all constancy. The Prophet ﷺ reminded us that Allah loves small regular deeds more than great surges of effort that have no tomorrow:

The first shock: where everything is decided

One day the Prophet ﷺ passed by a woman who was weeping at a grave. He urged her to fear Allah and to be patient. Not recognizing him, she answered: “Leave me alone, you have not been struck by a misfortune like mine.” When she was told who he was, she came to apologize. He simply said to her: “Patience is at the first shock.” This account is reported by al-Bukhari and Muslim.

The first shock is the moment when we hear the news, when the diagnosis comes, when a door closes. This is where the Quran teaches us words to say:

These words, إِنَّا لِلَّهِ وَإِنَّا إِلَيْهِ رَاجِعُونَ (inna lillahi wa inna ilayhi raji‘un, “we belong to Allah and to Him we return”), are called the istirja‘. They put things back in their place: what we have lost had been entrusted to us, and we ourselves will return to the One who entrusted it to us.

Being patient does not forbid tears. When his young son Ibrahim breathed his last, the Prophet ﷺ wept. To a Companion who was surprised, he explained that it was mercy, and then he said: “The eye sheds tears, the heart is sad, and we say only what pleases our Lord.” This account is reported by al-Bukhari. Sadness is human; what sabr holds back is rebellion and words that contest the decree of Allah.

Why trials?

Islam does not present trial as a systematic punishment, nor as a sign that Allah has abandoned us. The Prophet ﷺ describes the believer, on the contrary, as someone for whom everything can become good:

According to the Sunnah, trials are also a means of purifying the believer of his sins:

In another hadith, the Prophet ﷺ states that the greatness of the reward goes with the greatness of the trial, and that whoever accepts with contentment obtains Allah’s good pleasure (at-Tirmidhi no. 2396).

The prophets are the example. Ya‘qub (peace be upon him), separated from his son Yusuf (peace be upon him), answered with these words: فَصَبْرٌ جَمِيلٌ (fa-sabrun jamil), “a beautiful patience” (Quran 12:18). Later he would say: “I only complain of my anguish and my grief to Allah” (12:86). Ayyub (peace be upon him) lost his health, his wealth and his loved ones, and the Quran praises him: “We found him truly steadfast” (38:44).

Cultivating patience, step by step

Patience is not a gift reserved for a few: it can be worked on, like a muscle. The Prophet ﷺ said that whoever strives to be patient, Allah makes him patient, and that no one has been given a better and more abundant gift than patience. This hadith is reported by al-Bukhari and Muslim.

A few concrete practices:

The fifth point is essential. Patience is not inaction: the Prophet ﷺ asks us to act with all our strength, then to leave the outcome to Allah, without tormenting ourselves with “if only”:

Patience and gratitude, two wings

The hadith of Suhayb associates patience with gratitude, الشُّكْر (shukr). We give thanks for what we have, we are patient about what is lacking. Whoever notices blessings passes more easily through difficult days, because he sees that not everything is lost. Read also: Gratitude (shukr).

With children and fragile people

Children learn patience through small waits: waiting for their turn in a game, finishing a difficult puzzle, waiting until mealtime. We can name what they are doing: “You waited without getting angry, that is sabr, and Allah loves those who are patient.” The stories of the prophets, like that of Yusuf or Ayyub, offer them concrete models.

For the elderly, the sick or people with disabilities, patience is often a daily effort, discreet and exhausting. Those around them also need sabr: the patience of the caregiver who repeats, accompanies and listens is among the beautiful deeds, and it deserves support so that no one wears themselves out alone. The Quran reminds them of a limitless promise:

To go further

• Reflect on verses 153 to 157 of Surah al-Baqara.
• Supplications against worries and anxiety in Hisn al-Muslim.
• The chapter on patience in Riyad as-Salihin.
• Another perspective on trial: Tawakkul, trust in Allah.