Managing anger: the Prophet’s ﷺ advice and practical steps

A normal emotion, a choice to make

Anger is not a sin in itself. It is a reaction of the body and the heart in the face of injustice, tiredness, fear or frustration. The Quran itself describes prophets who were angry: Musa (peace be upon him) returns to his people “angry and grieved” after the episode of the golden calf. What Islam asks is not that we stop feeling anything, but that we do not let anger decide in our place.

The Quran counts the restraint of anger among the qualities of the people of piety:

The Arabic expression الْكَاظِمِينَ الْغَيْظَ (al-kâzimîn al-ghayz) evokes the image of someone who holds back a full waterskin so that it does not spill. The anger is there, but it does not overflow.

The advice repeated three times

A man once came to ask the Prophet ﷺ for advice. The answer is very short, and it was repeated at each new request:

Scholars explain that this advice has two meanings: avoiding what provokes anger (tiredness, pointless arguments, wounded pride) and, when it comes anyway, not acting under its grip. The Prophet ﷺ also redefined what strength is:

What to do in the moment?

The sunna gives very concrete actions, easy to remember even when we are overwhelmed.

The change of position comes from an authentic hadith:

Seeking refuge with Allah is reported in another account: two men were insulting each other in front of the Prophet ﷺ, and one of them had a face red with anger. The Prophet ﷺ said: “I know a phrase which, if he said it, would take away what he feels: I seek refuge with Allah from the Devil.” This account is reported by al-Bukhari and Muslim.

Understanding what happens inside us

Anger almost always follows the same path: a trigger (a remark, a delay, a refusal), an interpretation (“he is disrespecting me”), then a physical surge (pounding heart, heat, clenched jaw). Acting early, at the first signs from the body, is much easier than once the crisis has set in.

A few triggers come up often:

• tiredness and hunger, especially at the end of the day or while fasting;
• the feeling of injustice or humiliation;
• the accumulation of small unspoken annoyances;
• screens and online arguments, where we reply too quickly.

The Prophet ﷺ showed that gentleness is always a gain:

After anger: making amends

Controlling one’s anger is not always enough: sometimes we have already hurt someone. Islam then insists on making amends: apologizing, returning what was taken, saying a kind word. The Quran recommends repelling evil with what is better:

For children, this is a precious lesson: seeing a parent admit that they shouted too loudly and ask forgiveness teaches more than a thousand speeches.

With children: learning self-control

An angry child does not yet have the tools to calm down alone. We can help in three steps:

1. Name it: “You are angry because your brother took your toy.”
2. Soothe: sit down with the child, breathe three times together, drink a little water, say a‘ûdhu billâh softly.
3. Make amends: once calm, find a solution together and, if needed, ask forgiveness.

The Prophet ﷺ never struck a woman or a servant, and he was known for his patience with children. You will find more ideas in the guide Raising your children with kindness and in the family games that help channel energy.

Going further

• Read the passage on the people of piety: Surah Al Imran, verses 133 to 136.
• Supplications to soothe the heart in Hisn al-Muslim.
• The chapter on anger in Riyad as-Salihin.
• To understand how we verify each hadith: Methodology and sources.