The Prophet ﷺ and Children: Tenderness, Play and Respect

A model of tenderness, not only of rules

When we think of education in Islam, we often picture a list of rules: pray on time, eat with the right hand, say bismillah. These rules exist, but the sira, the biography of the Prophet ﷺ, first shows something else: a man who kisses children, carries them in his arms, plays with them, greets them and listens to them.

The Companions handed down these small gestures with as much care as the great lessons. They tell us something essential: the child is not a miniature adult to be corrected constantly, but a person to be loved, respected and accompanied.

The Quran, moreover, presents children as a joy that we ask of Allah:

The expression قُرَّةَ أَعْيُنٍ (qurrata a‘yun) literally means “the coolness of the eyes”: what soothes the gaze and delights the heart. Parents ask for children who are a joy, and also ask to be a good example themselves.

Kissing, carrying, consoling

The best-known gesture is also the simplest: a kiss. One day, a tribal chief was surprised to see the Prophet ﷺ kiss his grandson.

The reply is short, but it raises tenderness toward children to the rank of a religious value: the رَحْمَة (rahma, mercy) that we give to the little ones is tied to the one we hope to receive from Allah.

Other accounts, reported by al-Bukhari and Muslim, point in the same direction:

• The Prophet ﷺ prayed while carrying his granddaughter Umama, the daughter of Zaynab: he put her down when he prostrated and picked her up again when he rose.
• Sometimes he began a prayer meaning to prolong it, then shortened it on hearing a baby cry, so as not to worry its mother.
• At the death of his son Ibrahim, still a very small child, his eyes filled with tears. He said that the eye weeps and the heart grieves, but that we say only what pleases our Lord.

These scenes show that loving one’s children and showing it is neither a weakness nor a lack of seriousness. It is part of faith.

Playing and taking an interest in their world

Anas ibn Malik (may Allah be pleased with him) had a little brother nicknamed Abu Umayr, who played with a small bird, a نُغَيْر (nughayr). Whenever he saw him, the Prophet ﷺ would tease him kindly: “O Abu Umayr, what has become of the little bird?” This account, reported by al-Bukhari and Muslim, is tiny and immense at once: the Messenger of Allah ﷺ knew about a child’s bird and took seriously what mattered to him.

Notice the nickname too: calling a little boy “Abu Umayr”, that is, “the father of Umayr”, is giving him a grown-up’s name, with humor and respect. The child feels grown up.

Anas himself entered the service of the Prophet ﷺ when he was only a child. He testifies, in an account reported by al-Bukhari and Muslim, that in ten years the Prophet ﷺ never said “ugh” to him, nor “why did you do that?”, nor “why didn’t you do that?”. Ten years without an irritated reproach: that is an educational program in itself.

The Prophet ﷺ also greeted the children he met. Anas, who did the same, explained that he had seen him do so (an account reported by al-Bukhari and Muslim). Saying السَّلَامُ عَلَيْكُمْ (as-salamu ‘alaykum, “peace be upon you”) to a child is telling him that he matters.

Teaching with respect

Tenderness does not prevent teaching: on the contrary, it prepares the ground. Here is how the Prophet ﷺ addressed a young boy, his cousin Abdullah ibn Abbas (may Allah be pleased with him):

The method is remarkable: he announces that he is going to teach, he calls the child with affection, he chooses short, rhythmic sentences that are easy to remember, and he speaks of profound things. He does not underestimate the child.

Even for table manners, the tone stays gentle. Umar ibn Abi Salama (may Allah be pleased with him), who was growing up in the Prophet’s ﷺ household, tells how his hand went all around the dish. The Prophet ﷺ said to him: “O boy, say bismillah, eat with your right hand and eat from what is in front of you.” This account is reported by al-Bukhari and Muslim. No shouting, no humiliation: three clear instructions, given on the spot.

Behind this pedagogy lies a trust: according to a hadith reported by al-Bukhari and Muslim, every child is born with the فِطْرَة (fitra), a natural disposition toward good, and it is the parents who guide it. To educate is therefore first of all to protect and to nurture what is already there.

What this changes for parents today

The Prophet ﷺ made mercy toward the little ones a sign of belonging to his community:

A few prophetic gestures that are easy to take up at home:

• Show affection: kiss, hug, smile. A child who feels loved listens better.
• Greet and use a nice name: say as-salamu ‘alaykum when coming home, use a tender, affirming nickname.
• Take an interest in what matters to them: their game, their pet, their drawing. Ask a real question, as with the little bird.
• Correct on the spot, briefly and without humiliating: one clear instruction is worth more than a long sermon.
• Teach short words: a supplication, a verse, a sentence of wisdom, repeated often.
• Make room for children in religious life: at the mosque, during prayer at home, with patience for crying and noise.

Kindness toward one’s family is, according to the Prophet ﷺ, the true measure of a person’s worth:

No one is a perfect parent. On tired days we shout, we lose patience. What matters is to come back to this model: to apologize, to make amends, and to start again the next day with more gentleness. The article Raising Children with Kindness offers further practical ideas, and Managing Your Anger helps in difficult moments.

Telling these stories to children

Children love to learn that the Prophet ﷺ loved children. Tell them the story of Abu Umayr and his bird, that of Anas who served him for ten years, or that of little Umama carried during prayer. You will find illustrated versions in the stories for children: Abu Umayr’s little bird and Anas in the service of the Prophet ﷺ.

A tip: after the story, ask an open question. “Why do you think the Prophet ﷺ asked about the bird?” The child remembers better what he has understood by himself.

To go further

• The life of the Prophet ﷺ told simply: the sira and the profile of the Prophet Muhammad ﷺ.
• For parents: the family guide on education.
• The chapter on good manners in Riyad as-Salihin.
• To share a moment together: family games.