Guarding the Tongue: Backbiting, Lies and Good Speech
Backbiting, tale-bearing, lies, online rumours: what the Quran and the Sunnah say about speech, and practical ways to guard your tongue better every day.
Speech, a blessing that carries responsibility
The tongue is one of Allah’s most beautiful gifts: it lets us call on Him, teach, comfort and reconcile. But it is also the organ with which we hurt others most quickly, often without realising it. The Quran reminds us that every word counts: a person “does not utter a word except that there is with him an observer ready to record it” (50:18).
The Prophet ﷺ summed up the whole ethics of speech in one simple rule:
حَدَّثَنِي عَبْدُ الْعَزِيزِ بْنُ عَبْدِ اللَّهِ، حَدَّثَنَا إِبْرَاهِيمُ بْنُ سَعْدٍ، عَنِ ابْنِ شِهَابٍ، عَنْ أَبِي سَلَمَةَ، عَنْ أَبِي هُرَيْرَةَ ـ رضى الله عنه ـ قَالَ قَالَ رَسُولُ اللَّهِ صلى الله عليه وسلم " مَنْ كَانَ يُؤْمِنُ بِاللَّهِ وَالْيَوْمِ الآخِرِ فَلْيَقُلْ خَيْرًا، أَوْ لِيَصْمُتْ، وَمَنْ كَانَ يُؤْمِنُ بِاللَّهِ وَالْيَوْمِ الآخِرِ فَلاَ يُؤْذِ جَارَهُ، وَمَنْ كَانَ يُؤْمِنُ بِاللَّهِ وَالْيَوْمِ الآخِرِ فَلْيُكْرِمْ ضَيْفَهُ ".
Narrated by Abu Hurayra (may Allah be pleased with him)
The Messenger of Allah ﷺ said: “Whoever believes in Allah and the Last Day, let him say something good or keep silent. Whoever believes in Allah and the Last Day, let him not harm his neighbour. And whoever believes in Allah and the Last Day, let him honour his guest.”
He also described the Muslim as “the one from whose tongue and hand the Muslims are safe” (al-Bukhari no. 10). The tongue is mentioned before the hand: a word can do more harm than a gesture.
Backbiting: saying what is true, but behind someone’s back
Many people think that backbiting means lying about someone. The Prophet ﷺ corrected this idea with a very precise definition:
حَدَّثَنَا يَحْيَى بْنُ أَيُّوبَ، وَقُتَيْبَةُ، وَابْنُ، حُجْرٍ قَالُوا حَدَّثَنَا إِسْمَاعِيلُ، عَنِ الْعَلاَءِ، عَنْ أَبِيهِ، عَنْ أَبِي هُرَيْرَةَ، أَنَّ رَسُولَ اللَّهِ صلى الله عليه وسلم قَالَ " أَتَدْرُونَ مَا الْغِيبَةُ " . قَالُوا اللَّهُ وَرَسُولُهُ أَعْلَمُ . قَالَ " ذِكْرُكَ أَخَاكَ بِمَا يَكْرَهُ " . قِيلَ أَفَرَأَيْتَ إِنْ كَانَ فِي أَخِي مَا أَقُولُ قَالَ " إِنْ كَانَ فِيهِ مَا تَقُولُ فَقَدِ اغْتَبْتَهُ وَإِنْ لَمْ يَكُنْ فِيهِ فَقَدْ بَهَتَّهُ " .
Narrated by Abu Hurayra (may Allah be pleased with him)
The Messenger of Allah ﷺ asked: “Do you know what backbiting is?” They answered: “Allah and His Messenger know best.” He said: “It is mentioning your brother in a way he dislikes.” It was said to him: “And what if what I say is really true of my brother?” He replied: “If what you say is true of him, you have backbitten him; and if it is not true of him, you have slandered him.”
غِيبَة (ghiba, backbiting) therefore concerns things that are true. If it is false, we speak of بُهْتَان (buhtan, slander), which is even more serious. The Quran uses a deliberately shocking image to make us feel how ugly it is:
يَٰٓأَيُّهَا ٱلَّذِينَ ءَامَنُوا۟ ٱجْتَنِبُوا۟ كَثِيرًۭا مِّنَ ٱلظَّنِّ إِنَّ بَعْضَ ٱلظَّنِّ إِثْمٌۭ ۖ وَلَا تَجَسَّسُوا۟ وَلَا يَغْتَب بَّعْضُكُم بَعْضًا ۚ أَيُحِبُّ أَحَدُكُمْ أَن يَأْكُلَ لَحْمَ أَخِيهِ مَيْتًۭا فَكَرِهْتُمُوهُ ۚ وَٱتَّقُوا۟ ٱللَّهَ ۚ إِنَّ ٱللَّهَ تَوَّابٌۭ رَّحِيمٌۭ
O vous qui avez cru! Evitez de trop conjecturer [sur autrui] car une partie des conjectures est péché. Et n'espionnez pas; et ne médisez pas les uns des autres. L'un de vous aimerait-il manger la chair de son frère mort? (Non!) vous en aurez horreur. Et craignez Allah. Car Allah est Grand Accueillant au repentir, Très Miséricordieux.Backbiting does not travel only through sentences. A mocking imitation, a meaningful wink, an “I’m not saying anything, but…” or an “I’m only saying this for his own good” in front of others can have the same effect. The criterion remains the one in the hadith: would the person be hurt if they heard it?
Tale-bearing and lying: two poisons of trust
نَمِيمَة (namima) consists of carrying someone’s words to another person in order to sow discord: “Do you know what he said about you?” The Prophet ﷺ warned that the tale-bearer will not enter Paradise; this hadith is reported by al-Bukhari and Muslim. The Quran also reminds us that Satan is precisely trying to stir up discord between people (17:53).
Lying, for its part, slowly eats away at the one who practises it, until it becomes second nature:
حَدَّثَنَا عُثْمَانُ بْنُ أَبِي شَيْبَةَ، حَدَّثَنَا جَرِيرٌ، عَنْ مَنْصُورٍ، عَنْ أَبِي وَائِلٍ، عَنْ عَبْدِ اللَّهِ ـ رضى الله عنه ـ عَنِ النَّبِيِّ صلى الله عليه وسلم قَالَ " إِنَّ الصِّدْقَ يَهْدِي إِلَى الْبِرِّ، وَإِنَّ الْبِرَّ يَهْدِي إِلَى الْجَنَّةِ، وَإِنَّ الرَّجُلَ لَيَصْدُقُ حَتَّى يَكُونَ صِدِّيقًا، وَإِنَّ الْكَذِبَ يَهْدِي إِلَى الْفُجُورِ، وَإِنَّ الْفُجُورَ يَهْدِي إِلَى النَّارِ، وَإِنَّ الرَّجُلَ لَيَكْذِبُ، حَتَّى يُكْتَبَ عِنْدَ اللَّهِ كَذَّابًا ".
Narrated by ‘Abdullah ibn Mas‘ud (may Allah be pleased with him)
The Prophet ﷺ said: “Truthfulness leads to righteousness, and righteousness leads to Paradise. A man keeps on telling the truth until he becomes truthful. Lying leads to wickedness, and wickedness leads to the Fire. A man keeps on lying until he is recorded with Allah as a great liar.”
Even lying “for fun” is covered: the Prophet ﷺ guaranteed a house in the middle of Paradise to the one who gives up lying, even when joking (Abu Dawud no. 4800). The Sunnah does, however, know a famous exception: someone who reconciles people by reporting something good is not a liar, according to a hadith reported by al-Bukhari and Muslim. The exact scope of this permission is debated by scholars: some allow only ambiguous wording, others more. In every case, the aim is to calm things down, never to deceive for personal gain.
On social media: speech multiplied
Today, a word is no longer only spoken in a low voice: it is published, captured, shared with thousands of people. A mocking comment, a screenshot of a private conversation or a forwarded voice message fall under the same rules as backbiting and tale-bearing. The Quran gives a clear method for news that circulates:
يَٰٓأَيُّهَا ٱلَّذِينَ ءَامَنُوٓا۟ إِن جَآءَكُمْ فَاسِقٌۢ بِنَبَإٍۢ فَتَبَيَّنُوٓا۟ أَن تُصِيبُوا۟ قَوْمًۢا بِجَهَٰلَةٍۢ فَتُصْبِحُوا۟ عَلَىٰ مَا فَعَلْتُمْ نَٰدِمِينَ
O vous qui avez cru! Si un pervers vous apporte une nouvelle, voyez bien clair [de crainte] que par inadvertance vous ne portiez atteinte à des gens et que vous ne regrettiez par la suite ce que vous avez fait.Verifying before passing on is a duty. In the slander that ‘A’isha (may Allah be pleased with her) suffered, the Quran reproached the believers for spreading the rumour “with your tongues,” and for thinking it trivial “while with Allah it is tremendous” (24:15). Pressing “share” is already repeating.
The danger often comes from words thrown out without thinking:
حَدَّثَنِي إِبْرَاهِيمُ بْنُ حَمْزَةَ، حَدَّثَنِي ابْنُ أَبِي حَازِمٍ، عَنْ يَزِيدَ، عَنْ مُحَمَّدِ بْنِ إِبْرَاهِيمَ، عَنْ عِيسَى بْنِ طَلْحَةَ التَّيْمِيِّ، عَنْ أَبِي هُرَيْرَةَ، سَمِعَ رَسُولَ اللَّهِ صلى الله عليه وسلم يَقُولُ " إِنَّ الْعَبْدَ لَيَتَكَلَّمُ بِالْكَلِمَةِ مَا يَتَبَيَّنُ فِيهَا، يَزِلُّ بِهَا فِي النَّارِ أَبْعَدَ مِمَّا بَيْنَ الْمَشْرِقِ ".
Narrated by Abu Hurayra (may Allah be pleased with him)
He heard the Messenger of Allah ﷺ say: “A servant may utter a word without realising its weight, and because of it he slips into the Fire farther than the distance of the east [from the west].”
The Prophet ﷺ also said that the believer is neither “a slanderer, nor a curser, nor indecent, nor vulgar” (at-Tirmidhi no. 1977), and that part of the beauty of a person’s Islam is to leave aside what does not concern them (at-Tirmidhi no. 2317). Two valuable guidelines before writing a comment.
When may we speak about others?
Guarding the tongue does not mean staying silent in the face of injustice. In Riyad as-Salihin, an-Nawawi devotes a chapter to the situations in which it is permitted to mention a person’s faults, because a legitimate interest requires it:
- complaining about an injustice to someone who can put a stop to it;
- asking for help to put an end to a wrong;
- explaining one’s situation to a qualified person in order to ask for an opinion;
- warning someone, for example before a marriage, a partnership or a hiring, when you are asked for advice;
- speaking about someone who openly commits a wrong, only about that wrong;
- referring to someone by a nickname by which he is known, without intending to belittle him.
In these cases, one says only what is necessary, with a sincere intention, without exaggeration or relish in the telling.
Making amends and building good habits
When the Prophet ﷺ listed the pillars of religion for Mu‘adh ibn Jabal, he ended with the tongue:
حَدَّثَنَا ابْنُ أَبِي عُمَرَ، حَدَّثَنَا عَبْدُ اللَّهِ بْنُ مُعَاذٍ الصَّنْعَانِيُّ، عَنْ مَعْمَرٍ، عَنْ عَاصِمِ بْنِ أَبِي النَّجُودِ، عَنْ أَبِي وَائِلٍ، عَنْ مُعَاذِ بْنِ جَبَلٍ، قَالَ كُنْتُ مَعَ النَّبِيِّ صلى الله عليه وسلم فِي سَفَرٍ فَأَصْبَحْتُ يَوْمًا قَرِيبًا مِنْهُ وَنَحْنُ نَسِيرُ فَقُلْتُ يَا رَسُولَ اللَّهِ أَخْبِرْنِي بِعَمَلٍ يُدْخِلُنِي الْجَنَّةَ وَيُبَاعِدُنِي مِنَ النَّارِ . قَالَ " لَقَدْ سَأَلْتَنِي عَنْ عَظِيمٍ وَإِنَّهُ لَيَسِيرٌ عَلَى مَنْ يَسَّرَهُ اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ تَعْبُدُ اللَّهَ وَلاَ تُشْرِكُ بِهِ شَيْئًا وَتُقِيمُ الصَّلاَةَ وَتُؤْتِي الزَّكَاةَ وَتَصُومُ رَمَضَانَ وَتَحُجُّ الْبَيْتَ " . ثُمَّ قَالَ " أَلاَ أَدُلُّكَ عَلَى أَبْوَابِ الْخَيْرِ الصَّوْمُ جُنَّةٌ وَالصَّدَقَةُ تُطْفِئُ الْخَطِيئَةَ كَمَا يُطْفِئُ الْمَاءُ النَّارَ وَصَلاَةُ الرَّجُلِ مِنْ جَوْفِ اللَّيْلِ " . قَالَ ثُمَّ تَلاََ: ( تَتَجَافَى جُنُوبُهُمْ عَنِ الْمَضَاجِعِ ) حَتَّى بَلَغَ: (يَعْمَلُونَ) ثُمَّ قَالَ " أَلاَ أُخْبِرُكَ بِرَأْسِ الأَمْرِ كُلِّهِ وَعَمُودِهِ وَذِرْوَةِ سَنَامِهِ " . قُلْتُ بَلَى يَا رَسُولَ اللَّهِ . قَالَ " رَأْسُ الأَمْرِ الإِسْلاَمُ وَعَمُودُهُ الصَّلاَةُ وَذِرْوَةُ سَنَامِهِ الْجِهَادُ " . ثُمَّ قَالَ " أَلاَ أُخْبِرُكَ بِمَلاَكِ ذَلِكَ كُلِّهِ " . قُلْتُ بَلَى يَا نَبِيَّ اللَّهِ قَالَ فَأَخَذَ بِلِسَانِهِ قَالَ " كُفَّ عَلَيْكَ هَذَا " . فَقُلْتُ يَا نَبِيَّ اللَّهِ وَإِنَّا لَمُؤَاخَذُونَ بِمَا نَتَكَلَّمُ بِهِ فَقَالَ " ثَكِلَتْكَ أُمُّكَ يَا مُعَاذُ وَهَلْ يَكُبُّ النَّاسَ فِي النَّارِ عَلَى وُجُوهِهِمْ أَوْ عَلَى مَنَاخِرِهِمْ إِلاَّ حَصَائِدُ أَلْسِنَتِهِمْ " . قَالَ أَبُو عِيسَى هَذَا حَدِيثٌ حَسَنٌ صَحِيحٌ .
Narrated by Mu‘adh ibn Jabal (may Allah be pleased with him)
[…] Then he said: “Shall I tell you what holds all of this together?” I replied: “Yes, O Messenger of Allah ﷺ.” He took hold of his tongue and said: “Restrain this.” I said: “O Prophet of Allah ﷺ, will we really be held accountable for what we say?” He replied: “May your mother lose you, O Mu‘adh! What throws people into the Fire on their faces, or on their noses, if not the harvests of their tongues?”
The expression “may your mother lose you” is an Arabic turn of phrase used for emphasis, not a curse. Here is a simple method for making progress:
Steps
Before speaking or posting, ask yourself three questions: is it true? is it useful? would I say it in front of the person?
When a conversation slides toward backbiting, change the subject or say something good about the absent person.
Do not forward a message, a screenshot or a rumour without knowing its source and its usefulness.
After a mistake, sincerely ask Allah for forgiveness and feel regret.
Restore the person’s reputation: speak well of them where you spoke ill, correct false information.
Gradually replace idle words with dhikr, a good word or a peaceful silence.
With children, example is everything: a parent who politely refuses to listen to backbiting, or who says “we don’t talk about someone who isn’t here to defend themselves,” teaches more than a long speech.
Going further
- Read the passage on backbiting and suspicion: Surah al-Hujurat, verses 6 to 12.
- The chapters on the sins of the tongue in Riyad as-Salihin.
- Learning to master your reactions: Managing anger.
- Replacing idle words with the remembrance of Allah: Dhikr in an ordinary day.
Questions fréquentes
What is the difference between backbiting and slander?
According to the hadith reported by Muslim, backbiting (ghiba) consists of saying about an absent person something he or she would hate to hear, even if it is true. If what is said is false, it is slander (buhtan), which is even more serious.
Is it backbiting to talk about someone on social media?
The same rules apply online: a mocking comment, a private screenshot or a shared rumour can amount to backbiting or tale-bearing. The Quran also asks us to verify information before passing it on (49:6).
May we speak about someone’s faults in order to warn others?
Yes, in certain specific cases recalled by an-Nawawi: complaining about an injustice, asking for help, asking for an opinion, warning before a marriage or a partnership when one is consulted. One then says only what is necessary, with a sincere intention.
Is lying allowed as a joke?
The Prophet ﷺ promised a house in Paradise to the one who gives up lying even in jest (Abu Dawud no. 4800, graded hasan by al-Albani). One can perfectly well be humorous, as long as one does not say anything false or mock anyone.
How do we make amends after backbiting about someone?
We repent sincerely to Allah, we stop, then we restore the person’s reputation by speaking well of them. Scholars differ on whether one must inform them in order to ask for their forgiveness; for a specific situation, ask a qualified person for advice.
Mots arabes de cet article
- Ghiba غيبة
- Backbiting: mentioning an absent person in a way he or she would hate to hear, even if it is true.
- Buhtan بهتان
- Slander: attributing to someone a fault or an act that he or she did not commit.
- Namima نميمة
- Tale-bearing: carrying people’s words from one to another in order to sow discord.
- Kadhib كذب
- Lying: deliberately saying the opposite of the truth.
- Sidq صدق
- Truthfulness: speaking the truth and acting in accordance with what one says.
- Dhikr ذكر
- The remembrance of Allah with the tongue and the heart, the best occupation for a tongue at rest.
Sources et références
Chaque référence a été contrôlée automatiquement : existence du verset ou du hadith, numérotation sunnah.com, degré d’authenticité selon les savants.
- Coran 49:12Vérifiéquran.com
- Coran 49:6Vérifiéquran.com
- Coran 50:18Vérifiéchaque parole est inscritequran.com
- Coran 24:15Vérifiéla rumeur colportée « avec vos langues »quran.com
- Coran 17:53Vérifiédire les meilleures paroles ; le Diable sème la discordequran.com
- Sahîh al-Bukhârî n° 6475Sahîh (authentique) · al-Bukhârî (recueil authentique par consensus)VérifiéVoir sur sunnah.com
- Sahîh al-Bukhârî n° 10Sahîh (authentique) · al-Bukhârî (recueil authentique par consensus)VérifiéVoir sur sunnah.com
- Sahîh Muslim n° 2589aSahîh (authentique) · Muslim (recueil authentique par consensus)VérifiéVoir sur sunnah.com
- Sahîh al-Bukhârî n° 6094Sahîh (authentique) · al-Bukhârî et Muslim (muttafaq ‘alayh, Muslim n° 2607)VérifiéVoir sur sunnah.com
- Sahîh al-Bukhârî n° 6477Sahîh (authentique) · al-Bukhârî et Muslim (muttafaq ‘alayh)VérifiéVoir sur sunnah.com
- Jâmi‘ at-Tirmidhî n° 2616Hasan sahîh · Bashshâr ‘Awwâd Ma‘rûfVérifiéVoir sur sunnah.com
- Sunan Abî Dâwûd n° 4800Hasan (bon) · al-AlbânîVérifiéVoir sur sunnah.com
- Jâmi‘ at-Tirmidhî n° 1977Hasan (bon) · Bashshâr ‘Awwâd Ma‘rûfVérifiéVoir sur sunnah.com
- Jâmi‘ at-Tirmidhî n° 2317Hasan (bon) · Bashshâr ‘Awwâd Ma‘rûfVérifiéVoir sur sunnah.com
- Sahîh al-Bukhârî n° 6056Sahîh (authentique) · al-Bukhârî et Muslim (muttafaq ‘alayh)Vérifiéle colporteur n’entrera pas au ParadisVoir sur sunnah.com
- Sahîh al-Bukhârî n° 2692Sahîh (authentique) · al-Bukhârî et Muslim (muttafaq ‘alayh)Vérifiécelui qui réconcilie les gens n’est pas un menteurVoir sur sunnah.com
- Riyâd as-Sâlihîn, chapitres sur la médisance et ce qui en est permis — an-NawawîRéférence bibliographiquesunnah.com
Dans l’application
Cet article est une synthèse pédagogique : il résume des sources vérifiées et ne constitue pas une fatwa. Les détails de pratique peuvent varier selon les écoles. Pour une situation personnelle, consultez une personne qualifiée. Signaler une erreur
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